Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
you can do some work
Tiny: mummy, I'd like to watch a film.
Me: oh right, what film would you like to watch?
Tiny: Littlefoot.
Me: *cringing* I really don't want to watch Littlefoot....
Tiny: then you can do some work and I will watch it! *smiling*
Me: oh right, what film would you like to watch?
Tiny: Littlefoot.
Me: *cringing* I really don't want to watch Littlefoot....
Tiny: then you can do some work and I will watch it! *smiling*
it's not raining!
(Actually happened June 20 2012)
Tiny: mummy, can you tell daddy it's not raining?
Me: *looking outside at the rain* um... no.
Tiny: *pouting* Daddy! It's not raining!
Manwife: it is raining! Daisy (Tiny's teddy) has to stay inside!
Tiny: mummy, can you tell daddy it's not raining?
Me: *looking outside at the rain* um... no.
Tiny: *pouting* Daddy! It's not raining!
Manwife: it is raining! Daisy (Tiny's teddy) has to stay inside!
news and weather
Little's news (actually happened on October 28 2011)
Good morning and welcome to BBC Look North, I'm here with some weather and some headlines. This morning a big fire was heard, and all the police dogs and polices were called because some people were firing some houses. This was at the prime minister's hotel. Now here's the weather. Yes I'm here with the weather, in Scotland we have some showers and some sparkly things down here, in Wales and Northern Ireland there's sunny spells. Now coming up at half past 9 we've some people from Strictly Come Dancing. Here's some more headlines. Some people on some farms have had [incomprehensible]
Good morning and welcome to BBC Look North, I'm here with some weather and some headlines. This morning a big fire was heard, and all the police dogs and polices were called because some people were firing some houses. This was at the prime minister's hotel. Now here's the weather. Yes I'm here with the weather, in Scotland we have some showers and some sparkly things down here, in Wales and Northern Ireland there's sunny spells. Now coming up at half past 9 we've some people from Strictly Come Dancing. Here's some more headlines. Some people on some farms have had [incomprehensible]
hollow leg syndrome
(Actually happened April 26 2012)
Me: I think someone (indicating Small) is going through a growth spurt; he's got hollow leg syndrome.
Little: what's that mean?
Me: it means he's eating so much that we think his legs might be hollow cuz how else would he fit all the food in?
Little: ooooh.
Me: d'ya think that's what you've got Small?
Small: *shakes head*
Me: no? just a tummy that empties whenever someone opens a door? (something he said earlier on this week)
Small: yep!
Manwife: *grinning* I dunno, what we gonna do with you Small?!
Little: sell him!
Me: I think someone (indicating Small) is going through a growth spurt; he's got hollow leg syndrome.
Little: what's that mean?
Me: it means he's eating so much that we think his legs might be hollow cuz how else would he fit all the food in?
Little: ooooh.
Me: d'ya think that's what you've got Small?
Small: *shakes head*
Me: no? just a tummy that empties whenever someone opens a door? (something he said earlier on this week)
Small: yep!
Manwife: *grinning* I dunno, what we gonna do with you Small?!
Little: sell him!
Friday, 8 November 2013
whose Jaffa cake?
(Actually happened May 15 2012)
Tiny: mummy...
Me: yes?
Tiny: can I... can I have.... um... can I have... can... can I have a... *pauses and sighs* that's your Jaffa cake over there, isn't it?
Me: yes it is.
Tiny: *sigh*
Tiny: mummy...
Me: yes?
Tiny: can I... can I have.... um... can I have... can... can I have a... *pauses and sighs* that's your Jaffa cake over there, isn't it?
Me: yes it is.
Tiny: *sigh*
twelveteen
(Actually happened May 29 2012)
Tiny: *excitedly running out of the room* I'm going to get the other one mummy!
Me: Um... ok?
Tiny: *running back in* I found it, look! *holds up small item*
Me: What is it?
Tiny: It's dis one!
Me: Is it a bead?
Tiny: Yeah!
Me: Ah, is it one with a letter on it?
Tiny: Yeah!
Me: What letter is it?
Tiny: Twelveteen.
Tiny: *excitedly running out of the room* I'm going to get the other one mummy!
Me: Um... ok?
Tiny: *running back in* I found it, look! *holds up small item*
Me: What is it?
Tiny: It's dis one!
Me: Is it a bead?
Tiny: Yeah!
Me: Ah, is it one with a letter on it?
Tiny: Yeah!
Me: What letter is it?
Tiny: Twelveteen.
that crazy man
(Actually happened September 3 2012)
*talking with the kids about when people's birthdays are, and current month of discussion is October*
Me: so who's birthdays are in October?
Little: yours!
Me: yep, who else?
Small: Grandad and Tiny!
Me: yep, anyone else?
Little: Kell?
Me: no, his birthday isn't in October.
Small: who's Kell?
Little: that crazy man who came here with Aunty Lou.
*talking with the kids about when people's birthdays are, and current month of discussion is October*
Me: so who's birthdays are in October?
Little: yours!
Me: yep, who else?
Small: Grandad and Tiny!
Me: yep, anyone else?
Little: Kell?
Me: no, his birthday isn't in October.
Small: who's Kell?
Little: that crazy man who came here with Aunty Lou.
it's just cake!
(Actually happened September 27 2012)
*kids are coming in and out with some duplo cakes with candles on them that they've made*
Small: here have some of my cake to eat
Me: thank-you
Small: it's a spaceship cake - that bit you're eating is where the torpedos come out
Me: oh... *mock worried look* is it going to shoot me in my mouth when I eat it?
Small: *withering look* no mummy, it's just cake!
Me: *abashed* oh, sorry.
*kids are coming in and out with some duplo cakes with candles on them that they've made*
Small: here have some of my cake to eat
Me: thank-you
Small: it's a spaceship cake - that bit you're eating is where the torpedos come out
Me: oh... *mock worried look* is it going to shoot me in my mouth when I eat it?
Small: *withering look* no mummy, it's just cake!
Me: *abashed* oh, sorry.
marry a badger
(Tail end of a conversation between the kids while on the bus. Actually happened November 8 2012)
Small: you mean like if mummy married another person?
Little: just because she's not marrying another person doesn't mean she can't marry a badger.
Me: EH??!
Small: you mean like if mummy married another person?
Little: just because she's not marrying another person doesn't mean she can't marry a badger.
Me: EH??!
robot hand
(actually happened December 22 2012)
Little: we don't happen to have any ballistics gel do we?
Me: uh, no...
Little: do we have the parts to make a robot hand?
Me: afraid not, no.
Little: *sighs and flops onto sofa* rubbish.
Little: we don't happen to have any ballistics gel do we?
Me: uh, no...
Little: do we have the parts to make a robot hand?
Me: afraid not, no.
Little: *sighs and flops onto sofa* rubbish.
Wednesday, 6 November 2013
your eyeballs will fall out
(Actually happened September 16th 2013)
Me: what would you like to eat?
Tiny: cucumber.
Me: ok, but there's not much left, so what are we going to do when it's all gone?
Tiny: your eyeballs will fall out.
Me: um....
Me: what would you like to eat?
Tiny: cucumber.
Me: ok, but there's not much left, so what are we going to do when it's all gone?
Tiny: your eyeballs will fall out.
Me: um....
what does mummy do again?
(actually happened on October 1st 2013)
Me: ...and then this afternoon we're going to be driving to a hospital in Halifax to pick up a placenta.
Small: what's a placenta?
Little: it's the thing that is inside a lady's tummy when she's pregnant and it attaches the baby to her. And then it pops out and you have to eat it.
Me: you don't have to eat it but some women choose to eat it. And I help by turning it into something convenient and that can be kept for a long time. Cuz generally women don't want to bung it in the oven and eat it with chips.
Kids: *laughter*
Me: so I make them into tablets.
Tiny: *aghast* mummy!! Why are you going to turn that baby into tablets?!
Me: *chuckling* no, the baby will be with his or her mummy. I make the placenta into tablets.
Me: ...and then this afternoon we're going to be driving to a hospital in Halifax to pick up a placenta.
Small: what's a placenta?
Little: it's the thing that is inside a lady's tummy when she's pregnant and it attaches the baby to her. And then it pops out and you have to eat it.
Me: you don't have to eat it but some women choose to eat it. And I help by turning it into something convenient and that can be kept for a long time. Cuz generally women don't want to bung it in the oven and eat it with chips.
Kids: *laughter*
Me: so I make them into tablets.
Tiny: *aghast* mummy!! Why are you going to turn that baby into tablets?!
Me: *chuckling* no, the baby will be with his or her mummy. I make the placenta into tablets.
Decoration of Independence
(actually happened on October 13th 2013)
Little: I'm going to write 'Decalration... Delcaration... Decraration of Independence'. Ugh, I can't say it.
Small: *knowingly* It's 'Decoration of Independence'.
Me & manwife: *chuckling*
Little: I'm going to write 'Decalration... Delcaration... Decraration of Independence'. Ugh, I can't say it.
Small: *knowingly* It's 'Decoration of Independence'.
Me & manwife: *chuckling*
you have a mum?!
Me: *hanging up the phone after ringing my parents' to see if my mum was there*
Tiny: you have a mum?! *angry face*
Me: yes...
Tiny: but you're my mummy, and daddy, he's, daddy is my daddy, and he's at work, and we are your kids!! *getting more worked up*
Me: yes you are...
Tiny: but you have a mum and dad too?! *verge of exploding* are you a kid?!
Me: well not any more, but I was...
Tiny: I DON'T LIKE YOU HAVING A MUM AND DAD, MUMMY!! *storms off*
Me: uh... what just happened??
Tiny: you have a mum?! *angry face*
Me: yes...
Tiny: but you're my mummy, and daddy, he's, daddy is my daddy, and he's at work, and we are your kids!! *getting more worked up*
Me: yes you are...
Tiny: but you have a mum and dad too?! *verge of exploding* are you a kid?!
Me: well not any more, but I was...
Tiny: I DON'T LIKE YOU HAVING A MUM AND DAD, MUMMY!! *storms off*
Me: uh... what just happened??
why did the chicken cross the road?
Small: why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: ohh, I don't know.
Small: to go to the second leg shop! *fits of giggles*
Me: ok.... *feeling like I've missed something*
Small: it's funny cuz I didn't mention he only had one leg!! *laughs like a baboon*
Me: um...
Me: ohh, I don't know.
Small: to go to the second leg shop! *fits of giggles*
Me: ok.... *feeling like I've missed something*
Small: it's funny cuz I didn't mention he only had one leg!! *laughs like a baboon*
Me: um...
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